I saw it...

I saw IT! I did! Today. I'm sure you did too. The sun came out!

My mood bettered instantaineously and so did my appetite. Finally :)

Today's post is this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElgkLZX401E

The Top 3

*Disclaimer-- if you don't want to read this whole thing, then why are you here in the first place? Also, if you don't want to read this whole thing, scroll down and read the last sentence. It sums up everything I'm trying to say*

So, we're all pretty much at the same stage in our lives. We've all either recently graduated and are looking for jobs or we've all recently graduated and have jobs. I've spoken to a large number of friends in the past months and many of our conversations gravitate around what we're doing, what we should be doing, what we think we wished we were doing, how we think we should be doing what we should be doing, where we should be doing this, and why we aren't doing it yet. However, before we grapple with those jagged questions, the initial responses are these three (usually from the male population):

Question: "So, what have you been up to lately?"

1. Taking over the world.

2. Livin' the dream just a little bit longer.

3. I have no fucking clue. I need to go figure that out. I'm going to go do that. Later.

I think/know that responses 1-2 are just guises for response #3. No one knows what they're doing and frankly, that makes me feel much better. I go through a menopausal transformation everyday with regards to what I want to do and where I want to go. In the end, I stare at monster.com or craigslist until my eyes feel like they're going to burn themselves out of my head. Then, the day is over and I do it again on Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. No, wait, I take Fridays off. No need to start the weekend with blindness and fear of what I haven't been able to find in the past year. Nope. Friday I enjoy watching Lost on Hulu, drinking coffee and looking outside of the same window in my office that doesn't open. Yep, that's a good Friday right there.

I don't know why most guys I talk to give me these dumb responses. No one is going to take over the world. And, if they try, I'm going to do it first. Secondly, if living the dream means you're living in your parents house, avoiding rent, electricity, water, heat, cooling and food costs, then I've been living that dream for months. Would I consider that "livin' the dream?" 

Response #3, perhaps the most honest, sincere and agonizing of them all. It's synonymous to opening a fresh wound just after it has scabbed over. You've finally begun to heal and then, boom. Nisha asks you this question. F. Back at square one.

Well, I think that we're supposed to be utterly lost, confused, broke, lonely, and feeling like we're drowning. I mean, if we had it all already, what would there be to look forward to? What would we be working towards? Human beings need challenges. We need a purpose. If that question were answered at this very moment, you would be lost. Bored. Lonely. Confused. Maybe not broke...but you'd have a broken spirit. (Nice save, right?)

I don't know. 

Some people are just...nice.

So, it's Sunday morning and I'm at work. Before you tell me that working on Sunday is a criminal act, let me tell you that it's technically Thursday. My weekends are shifted to Tue/Wed which is perfect because "The Bachelorette" is on Monday nights so I can sit on the couch for hours after that. I hope she picks Jake...or Kiptyn. Juan was a creep and David was a jerk. 

Some people are just nice. Plain and simple. I think you can categorize people into two sides. One of them being "nice" and the other? "Mean." When I say mean, I mean selfish. There. Nice and selfish. Those are the two adjectives.

At work, I'm responsible for distributing all the information for the following shooting day to the cast. It's a relatively easy task but the e-mails are generally boring. Thus, I decided to make it more interesting by putting quirky quotes at the bottom which, since this idea, have made their way onto the actual call sheets. They're moving up! Anyway, now that the quotes aren't in the e-mails, I decided I had to say something else. Everyone has been working generous hours for the past 2 weeks and everyone has been great with the exception of the person mentioned two blogs ago. She still sucks. She walked into the office this morning and I didn't even give her the honor of making eye contact. I think she got the point. I didn't hear a word from her. She walked in, got her stuff and slowly walked out. Silence is stronger than words...

In the e-mail, I told the crew to come visit me in the office because we reduced the cover charge for getting in. And, if they brought me chocolate, the cover would be reduced further.

I'm at my desk taking care of business because it's business time. The big guy here, the cinematographer (I think he won an award at Cannes a few years ago) came in this morning. He's never come in before while we've been in production. He had a receipt in one hand and chocolate in the other. He said, with his Czech accent, "Maybe this will make your day better." A Lindt chocolate bar. I hope there's a golden ticket inside.

Some people are just nice. 

I'm going to overdo it

I've been slacking quite a bit so I'm going to play catch up here. I'm making the leap and I'll be post new things all day. Keep up if you can.

I want to be in a band.

I was driving on 95 North with my older sister and I told her this. She laughed.

"Isn't that a phase you go through in your early teens and should have grown out of by now?" she propositioned.

"No. I'm looking for members. I think it would be a lot of fun."

She smirked and then couldn't hold it in anymore and just laughed. Then she realized that I was the one driving and quickly composed herself.

"Why do you want to be in a band?"

"I already told you. It would be fun. What are you doing this summer?"

"Working."

"Do you want to be in a band?"

She laughed. 

"I'm going to pass on that Nisha. But, good luck. Let me know what Mom and Dad say."

Does anyone want to be in a band?

Oops.

I did it again. I failed at my attempt to maintain a blog. But you know what? It's fine because I've been doing other things like working, working out, rehabbing my knee and buying spontaneous (it took me a few tries to spell that correctly) plane tickets to exotic places and not so exotic places. 

I'm currently working on a movie in Providence and it has really opened my eyes to first impressions. What is it about firsts? First trips, first meetings, first dates, first kisses, first steps, first glances, first bites....what is it about firsts? We always say that the first time for anything is the most memorable because it's so new and we're so impressionable. But then, we go on to say that you can't judge a book by its cover...meaning, don't make judgements based on your first impression. What the hell.

You know what? I'm going to change this whole blog because of this girl who just walked into the office for the 8th day in a row complaining about something and taking it out on me, blaming me for the issues. You want to know what I did? I told her off. That's right. Nisha: 1. This other chic: 0. She sucks. She walks in every morning going off on some tirade about how things aren't being done the way she wanted them to be done. This is clearly my fault. So, I took her verbal assaults for a few days. Today was not that day. She backed off a little bit..and then stormed out of the building.

Now, I'm not the kind of person to do this. But, close your eyes. Think of this. It's 9am on Tuesday morning. You've just settled into whatever it is that you're doing. Maybe your stretching before a yoga class or pulling the blanket higher over your face so that maybe, your alarm will stop ringing. This is nice, right? Now imagine someone storming in on your turf, through the front (fine, the only) door to this place. They don't say good morning. They don't even look you in the eye. All they do is shuffle/trot to their back office (they're in the back for a reason) yelling the whole way in and into the back. What does this do? This makes me mad. Plain and simple. There's always one. There's always one person who ruins everything for everyone else. So, if there's one, why can't there be two? She threw her garbage on me. I took it and threw it back at her. I just made sure some nails were sticking out.

She'll probably come back. I've stopped making attempts to be friendly or even friends. No longer do I make eye contact. It hurts my eyes and raises my blood pressure.

I'm going to ice my knee. I hope you all have a fabulous Friday.

N

Life Continued.

So, I'm in the process of trying to get this "daily" thing down. But, I'm well on my way. Two entries in three days. Fantastic. Again, I'm not going to edit. I'm just going to write. Disfruta.

So, today I feel like addressing the transient issue of time. In the past few weeks, I've endured so many changes, ups, downs, back up, higher up, down, down...you get the idea. Life just comes at you and you have to take it all at once. I've been trying to distinguish the difference between being positive and being naive. I understand the basic difference between the two words. However, getting your mind to almost physically tear the two apart, and embrace positive thinking instead of fositive (faux positive-- I made that up. Enjoy,) thinking. It's hard. How do you make that change? I'll be honest. I've seen true change come my way in the past week but only after honest, unadulterated and pure thoughts of these good things coming my way. Now, they may not have been exactly what I wanted but that's a good thing because when it comes down to the basic things in life, I'm not exactly sure what I want right now. So, I think I've gotten what I need for the time being and that's enough. It's easier to embrace change and upheaval with a stepping stool. Take things at your own pace. It's fine. What's the rush? It's time to work hard, showcase your talents, brain and personality and live life like you're drinking a glass a wine. Take it slow, enjoy it and always remember where it, or you came from.

Life reflected through words.

So, I have taken a small hiatus from the daily dose and I've received plenty of heat for it. But, things on my end have settled a bit and I'm ready to give you all a glimpse into life from my perspective. Also, I'm not going to edit anything. I'm just going to write and see what happens. Enjoy.

I've always found it difficult to let go of things in the past. Mainly friends, events and locations. I don't attach to material things very often with the exception of a few things from my time as a small, playful child. But, many of my most prized possessions if not all of them come from a fulfilling meal I've had. The meal may not have been only of food, but a meal of words, experiences, laughter and comedy. These are the possessions that I miss, would love to relive  and cherish the most. No matter how cliche it sounds or how many times you've heard it, it's the people that mean and matter the most in your life. Material items can be replaced but those times that I spent roaming the streets of Segovia after our traditional Spanish meal, dancing and singing in ancient pathways of Spain, that is something I miss. That is a day I would relive without question or effort.

It also often feels like those moments I spent living on Calle Guatemala en el piso, or on a camel's back in Rabat or walking down Comm Ave to class have been such significant moments but also insignificant. These events have transcended some power over me but have also transformed into a fleeting, an almost impossible occurrence. However, if these things have happened in the past, who and what is to say that this won't happen again?

I often think that change means an end; that something irreplaceable is gone forever. In a sense, that is true. Those events are done and over. To quote Justin Timberlake and TI, they are "dead and gone." But, change is good. Change brings new people, new events, new experiences, new energy and  a new dynamic to a lifestyle that could have become stale had this change not occurred. 

Much of this blog has come after my first day at work. A new start to something. With new beginnings come a deep reflection upon our pasts and how much we had and how lucky we "were." But, what about our luck now? Where is what we are doing now going to take us? What addition will this add to our lives? I don't yet know but I'll let you know tomorrow.